


everything, anything

by akissontitan



Category: the adventure zone
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Synaesthesia, a quiet moment with a couple good quiet boys, depressed character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 10:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9651173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akissontitan/pseuds/akissontitan
Summary: Bradknewbeauty, saw its purple-green-pink marbling across his vision at every fine piece of music and every birdsong. Johann, soft and dark and monotone, put every note to shame.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Commission for my WIFE Antonia!!!!! This was fun and I'm gay for these boys being gay and brainweird together.
> 
> This fic requires an entry-level knowledge of synaesthesia! It manifests in a bunch of different ways, but in this fic Brad has sound-to-sight synaesthesia, meaning certain sounds cause him to see shapes and colours, sorta like the swirls you get when you close your eyes and rub them?? I have it and it's lovely and very annoying. ANYWAYS here's this tender chicken mcbite, ENJOY!!

Fact: The voidfish glowed a gentle violet in its tank, the main source of illumination in the entire oversized room, casting twisting purple auroras on the walls with the ebb and flow of tendrils.

Perception: When Johann spoke, his words turned to muted ice blue sparks behind Brad's eyes. From where he sat, on the concrete floor with his back against the giant tank and Johann to his left, the chamber was a multitude of shades. Like galaxies.

The last of the blue flecks were starting to fade when they started up all over again, in time with Johann's monotone.

"I mean like, it's not a big deal. I'm lucky to have a job at all. It just gets me down that it's not what I expected with my life. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that, ad infinitum, y'know."

"I get it," Brad prompted gently. They had been here for so long already that his ass was sore from sitting, but Johann was slow to open up some nights, and that was okay. He needed someone. Brad liked being that someone. "I don't think any of us expected to be recruited by a secret moon base organisation."

Johann nodded at that, soft, dark cheeks reflecting a subtle purple in the ambient light. His mouth stayed caught in a frown, though, and Brad found his heart rise to his throat.

"I don't mean- I mean. Just because people can relate doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid, Johann. But, hm. Life is unpredictable, and I don't think you should punish yourself for finding yourself somewhere you didn't intend to go. Maybe this is better than what you were planning."

Fact: Brad was a team player. He was not a leader by nature, but an _inspirer_ , and his ability to uplift had earned him much praise in the past.

Perception: The corner of Johann's lips quirking into a smile, and the little dimple that appeared as a result, was consistently the best and most rewarding praise Brad could ever imagine receiving.

"Yeah. My dreams of becoming a world-famous musician look shitty compared to being a glorified paper pusher with a pet jellyfish that doesn't even like me as much as it likes other people."

Brad couldn't help but laugh at that, which made Johann chuckle a little, which in turn made little blue-green fireworks come alight in the upper corners of Brad's vision. They mixed with the purple light to make a pavonine palette, and he let himself follow the trail of intangible patterns as he and Johann went quiet again.

Fact: Synaesthesia was a genetic disorder, but common in bards, and other creative types. It came in many forms, and Brad's caused him to perceive certain sounds as colours.

Perception: He loved it. Not all the time - not when pans dropped on hard floors, or during the quarterly fire alarm drill - but definitely now. He _definitely_ loved it in moments like now, when a pretty laugh caused pretty sparks in his head. 

Johann's voice was blues, his laugh was fresh-grass-green. His music, when Brad got the chance to hear it, was the richest of golds and reds and colours he couldn't even describe in Common. Johann was an infinity of hues.

Fact _and_ perception: Brad had a really big crush.

After a moment, as the last of the green laughter blinked away, he broke the silence.

"Well, look at it from my position. If you got all famous planetside, I never would have gotten to meet you."

He heard rustling as Johann turned towards him at that, but Brad kept his gaze firmly on his knees, tucked up against his chest in his Casual Friday jeans.

"Yeah. I guess that's true. I wouldn't," a pause, and a breath, "I wouldn't want to not've met you."

"Oh... I'm. Glad you see that as a, uh, redeeming factor." Brad cleared his throat, though he didn't really need to. Not for the first time, he found himself very glad for the low light of the voidfish chamber. Orc blushes were subtle, usually, but Brad knew the heat on his cheeks would have shown in any other light.

In general, too, he was thankful for this space. No one cared to come down here for leisure aside from the two of them, and despite the uncomfortable floor, the tank was always warm against their backs, and something about the _bigness_ of the room made Brad feel very pleasantly small.

It was a physical location that offered something immaterial - the chance to talk and be listened to. Or a place to _not_ talk. A small spot in the world, and away from it, carved out just for them. 

Brad hoped Johann felt the same, about their little-big talks in their little-big room. Brad hoped Johann felt the same about a lot of things.

A soft exhale from beside him brought him back from the waterfall of thoughts in his head. 

"We got it pretty good I guess. I think I'm just bad at being grateful. I'm trying though."

"Yeah, for sure. I mean, I don't know the health insurance plans for any other secret organisations, but ours is pretty unbeatable, I'd say."

A little huff of laughter at that. Not quite enough for a full flare of blue fireworks, but enough to make Brad's heart skip.

"Yeah..." 

Maybe if he belonged to a race with poorer hearing, Brad wouldn't have noticed the way Johann kept inhaling tiny breaths. Like he was trying to muster up the courage to say something, but not quite managing each time.

Brad had hoped he'd been making Johann feel a little lighter, a little less-bad, but his stomach dropped more and more with each beat of silence, each unused breath.

When it became too much, Brad took the initiative. Tentatively, he inched his hand over the concrete floor, and over to Johann's own, until his was covering the half-elf's cool skin. The worst part, aside from Johann's apparent poor circulation, was just how _natural_ it felt. Like the correct next step, for two people who talked about... _everything, anything_ so often.

He cleared his throat again, out of necessity this time. It had gone dry without his noticing.

"Johann, you know..." the hand around Johann's own curled until the pads of his fingers were against Johann's (soft, lovely) palm, "you can tell me anything. You don't- _have_ to, but. Whatever you want to share. Whenever. I'm all ears." Brad wiggled his long ears to punctuate, which, _thank the gods_ had Johann giggling softly. Glittering green flared for a second in the corner of his vision, but Brad's eyes remained on where their hands met.

Johann's hand turned, squirming under his own, until the two were clasped. And- _oh_ , his tiny hands, _oh no..._

Fact: Most people with elven blood were blessed with lithe, dainty hands. Even chubby half-elves like Johann.

Perception: These soft, tiny, cold hands were the most agonisingly perfect ones Brad could ever remember having the privilege of holding.

"It's... I dunno. I'm good. It's just one of those dumb weird thoughts I get sometimes." A sigh. Brad channelled all his energy into focusing on Johann's _words_ , and not his hand, which was quickly warming to clammy.

"A let-it-pass thought, or a talk-about-it thought?"

Another sigh. Brad squeezed gently, encouraging.

"An embarrassing thought. About how maybe part of the problem with not feeling satisfied with what I've got is... maybe to do with how I've never. Done a lot of normal-person, nice-sounding stuff." The hitched breaths were back again, but Brad knew better than to cut him off. Instead, he shuffled a couple inches closer, so their shoulders touched. Their fingers stayed laced, and squished together.

"Nice stuff like... having a boyfriend. Or a proper first kiss. Stuff like that. That I guess people probably don't think I want. Or they don't want to give me." Johann's hand squeezed his, and then pulled away to wipe on his pants. "Sorry, I'm stupid, I'm being stupid."

Brad felt as if his throat was sandpaper. "No, you're not. That's... it's not _stupid_ , to want things like that. Plenty people do." Sandpaper. _Sandpaper, sandpaper, sandpaper._ "I've... I want it too."

He didn't know quite what he was admitting, with that. It felt _big_ , vague but important, a need to know that Johann _understood_ , that he knew he was valued even if Brad's feelings weren't reciprocated. That would be okay, Brad decided, gaze firm on Johann's hands, now fidgeting in his lap. Someone so wonderful just deserved to know.

"You're a fantastic person, Johann. And I- any guy would be lucky to have the privilege. I really mean that." Gods, Brad wanted to hold those hands again. His nails were short and his wrists were smooth and even though he couldn't see it in the low light, Brad knew his palms were a half shade lighter than the rest of him, and he was _so_ beautiful. Brad _knew_ beauty, saw its purple-green-pink marbling across his vision at every fine piece of music and every birdsong. Johann, soft and dark and monotone, put every note to shame.

Fact: Kissing people who are depressed will not make them Not Depressed.

Fact: Whether on a fake moon or not, relationships and fraternisation in the workplace are not advised, and can lead to a great number of complications.

Fact: Orcs are hardly renowned as the best kissers, what with the _teeth_ , and all.

Perception: He knew the risks, but Brad found himself surprisingly fine with disregarding all logic for a chance at showing how he felt. Showing Johann how he made him feel.

"Johann," his voice came out more steady than it had all night, though his heartbeat was anything but, "if you'd like. I'd be- _honoured_ , really, to kiss you. It doesn't have to be now, I just- you're one of the people I feel closest to, and--"

Before he could embarrass himself further, Johann's hand was on his own again. Through the haze of racing thoughts in his head, Brad found himself idly admiring just how tiny those hands were compared to his own. Half the size, probably. And how trusting Johann was, a _bard_ , livelihood and passion built on playing the violin with these hands, giving one so willingly to someone who could hurt it.

"I think I'd like that." Johann's voice was barely a whisper, but still blue behind Brad's eyes. "A lot."

Brad couldn't tell which of them closed the distance, but neither were eager to part. He tasted like the breath mints Brad _knew_ he chewed instead of brushing his teeth some days, and his lips were plush, and soft, and eager to follow his lead.

Brad drew back quicker than he would have liked, just in case, but they stayed close to each other, noses almost touching. Air still warm where they met.

"Uh. Wow."

"Good wow?"

"Yeah."

"Glad to hear it. And, same." they couldn't get much closer without someone ending up in someone else's lap, so Brad settled for curling an arm around Johann's middle, between his back and the tank behind them. "This okay?"

Johann nodded, and Brad let his hand settle on the bulk of his waist. "Good. I-" he paused, not to clear the sandpaper from his throat, but to gather his thoughts, muddled as they were with his arm around an incredible, pretty boy. "I'm glad you're comfortable with me, Johann."

Johann adjusted, and soon Brad felt the warmth of a soft cheek on his bicep. "Yeah. I am." A breath, stronger than Brad had come to expect. "I... kinda like you a lot."

Johann's hands were picking at the skin around a thumb, so Brad curled his free palm around one. Sweaty, but warm. "Me too. I like you too."

It didn't cause his vision to spark, but when Johann exhaled, relaxing into his hold, Brad could practically see his smile.

(Fact: Johann wasn't perfect. He wasn't fixable, or particularly virtuous, or charismatic.

Perception: Brad loved him nonetheless.)

**Author's Note:**

> Come be my friend over at [nycreous on twitter](http://twitter.com/nycreous) and talk about feelings and/or ask me to write something!!


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